The Little Gladiator (hypothesis)

     The little idiot will be kicked out of the military, and he will turn into a poor beggar.

The Little Doll (hypothesis)

     The doll maker's memory made the doll so sad that he no longer became magical and turns into a normal doll covered by dust and being ran over by cars for the next few years. When the doll maker's son found it, it was so dirty that instead of washing it and making it good as new, he burned the doll to ashes and said, "whoever made this doll is a fat idiotic disgrace! Even if she's my mother!"

What would you do if a bully bothered you on your way home?

     If a bully bothered me on the way home, the first thing I would do is to tell an adult nearby and run as fast as I can. If there is no adult, I would tell the nearest friend I know to be a messenger and I would stall the bully as long as I can. If there are only strangers, I would try to persuade them to help call the police. If me myself has a cell phone, I would run away as fast as I can and phone the police. If I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere with a bully, I would fight, run, or accept my fate.

What if you can walk up walls and across ceilings?

     I would get a job as a professional ninja or a professional assassin that has high pay or a good life insurance. For the ninja job, I would enter sports and challenge channels such as Wipeout or Ninja Warrior and win all the money. Or, I will be a obstacle course maker and nobody can get pass my level. Or, I will go in dojos and defeat all of the people, go in fighting touraments and win trophies and money. For the assassin job, I will kill the selected people and get paid a lot.

What questions would you ask animals if they can talk?

     What I would ask pets are that, "do you think that your life is boring and is irritating that your master keeps touching you?" or "do you want to commit suicide, change a master, or are you happy with your life?". What I would ask barn animals are that, "are you tired of being a slave that is usually killed later?" or "are you worried that you can't have children because the farmer takes away all of your eggs?" or "do you think that your owner is a pervert? Why?". What I would ask endangered animals are that "your habitat is taken away by humans, do you want to fight back? If you want to, how?" or "do you think that humans should have economy? Do you think that humans should exist at all?". What I would ask zoo animals are that, "do you feel bored and cramped?" or "does your zoo keeper treat you nicely?". I really want to know more about their emotions, if animals really can talk, I might bring them to the debate table so they can fight for their own rights. They can also give speeches to the world if they can talk, but unfortunately, they can't.

What would you do if you got a present you didn't like?

     If I got a present that I didn't like, I would throw it away, return it to the sender, give it to somebody else, feed it to the dogs, or if I'm really angry - smash the present at that person's face. If I threw the present away and it returns, I would tell the sender that I really don't want it, please stop sending. But if it continues, I would have to burn it in his face and be cruel.

What if cows gave root beer instead of milk?

     If cows gave root beer, then the cows won't be called dairy cows and they would be extinct since calves can't drink root beer. Then, the burger and beef companies will die, people would have to drink something else other than milk so that they can be tall, but because everyone likes to drink milk instead of anything that contains calcium so the average height might go from 180cm to 140cm and gosh, you must do it yourself. It's simply unimaginable. If the kids drink root beer, then they will become obese and the DEFAX will take away all children and make them watch educational television and drink soymilk. Finally, the parents revolt at the DEFAX and the third world war starts between parents and DEFAX.

Banana

The end sign flies out.

Magic Box

A stupid kid is playing with his action figure and sees a kid hold a turn- naked box and the stupid kid was fooled.

Toxic World

The whole world is now heavily intoxicated, they see the abandoned school and sees the impolluted past where children play but is only an illusion and he died. The music player breaks and the story ends.

Musical Story

    Mario is on adventure but he tripped and fell into a goomba. He is now game over. Peach worries about Mario and instead, she goes to Luigi. Mario is left alone in King Bowser's lava jail. Bowser turns up the lava level. "Help!" said Mario. Luigi goes on adventure. He is very urgent. He passes level 1-1, 2-1, 3-1, 4-1, boss stage! Luigi saved Mario! Peach thanked Luigi. Luigi and Peach marriage party! Happy ending! Bowser and the gang came into the party and killed everybody and captured Peach. Pathetic ending! Bowser ate everybody and brought all his friends and family members. Bowser married Peach's friend, Daisy.

Tinyman! -Alex

  When I woke up from my dream's dream, I have a weird feeling of why in this dumb world is my underwear so big. Then, I realize that I have shrunk to a size as small as an ant infant. I tried to get back to my original by killing somebody. Unfortunately, I have absolutely no idea of where Wesley's house of maps are so I'm forced to kill the annoying K.C. So I went to his house eluding his pet cat and fish, and wild rats and also Michael Jackson clones. I touched a grappling gun and it shrunk! So I used this to reach the top of the bed with K.C. sleeping. So I went into his ear and made him deaf. Then, I went into K.C's mouth and broke his vocal cords while successfully going into his lungs. I buffeted the lungs and his died of air suffocation. I growed a little and killing things do work. Eventually, I found out that it's a clone and I found it hard to get out of the lungs so I used the shrunken grapple gun to tear out the fake pieces of lung. I escaped and ignited K.C.'s house so all K.C. and Michael Jackson clones can die. The house is successfully burnt down and I successfully grown back to my own size. Unfortunately, K.C. needs to pay another 8 hundred million U.S. dollars to get another house and his mother was very - I mean very very - mad at him. I laughed and laughed and I was woken up by my mom. THE END.

Rocky Mountains Trip -Alex

  What a wonderful time I had in the picturesque mountains of the Rockies when visiting my favorite uncle and his husky in his cozy wooden house that even has a fire place to snuggle up to!  The clear bright blue evening surrounded me, and I felt so happy and comfortable - it was like I was in another world! The cold pure white snow chilled me as it covered the steep and rocky mountains. The snow was so thick on the rocks, almost like it protected the brown rocks like a mother would protect her child from danger. Below that was a clean, open field full of white snow in which nothing lived. For anyone who would seek a skiing adventure, this mountain chain would provide an awesome experience! I wish I can live in this tranquility with such beauty surrounding me. I enjoyed a week of peace and fun out there. I even took a picture of Mt. Elbert.

Strange weather report. -Alex

  The Bad Weather Report

  Hello everyone, it's strange weather report on AXN! Today we predict that New York state will be raining cats and dogs with a precipitation of 2,100 mm of flesh.

So please remember to scrub blood off your front lawn and off your roof while staying inside your house so you won't get smashed by cats or dogs. Please note that the most concentrated place of rain is in the city of Manhattan.

  We also predict a cloudy day in Denver, Colorado with a chance of it raining meatballs. So have your plates ready everyone! And be sure to watch the movie too!

  Now let's see Portland, Oregon where we forecast bullet-hail so please wear your bullet-proof vests, bullet-proof hats, bullet-proof shoes, bullet-proof rain coats, bullet-proof umbrellas and bullet-proof shoes  whenever you want to go out. Please note that armies might come because they can obtain free bullets.

                                       

   Now we'll open the lines. We have one caller, Dean of Chicago, Illinois.

Me: Good day, why are you calling us, Dean?

Dean: While I'm watching this show, some horrible weather has started!

Me: Can you describe it to us?

Dean: It's raining pork while everyone is going to the doctor!

Me: It's probably the swined rain, and you know, I hate pigs.

Special effects: har har har har har har har har har har har har har.

Dean: Do you have any suggestions of what should I do?

Me: Get a barbecue grill outside with the hottest fire to catch the pigs. Be sure to dodge the pigs, though!

Dean: Thanks Alex! (hangs up)

And that's the end of this show, I'll see you next time on The Bad Weather Report!

How to bake oat, raisin and chocolate chip cookies -Alex

  Do you want to taste one of the most healthy and delicious delicacies? If so, then you are in the right place!
These cookies are perfect as a snack for any occasion, and will tickle your taste buds! To bake oat, raisin, and chocolate chip cookies, you will need the following ingredients:

• 100g of butter
• 90g of brown sugar
• 50g of powdered sugar 
• 1 egg
• 4g of sodium bicarbonate
• 6g of baking powder
• 180g of flour
• 60g of oat flakes
• 100g of raisins
• 60g of chocolate

Procedure:

1. Mix the butter, brown sugar and powdered sugar together in a large bowl with a plastic or wooden spoon.
2. Add an egg to the mixture, and beat until the mixture is smooth and even.
3. Add the sodium bicarbonate, baking powder, and flour to the mixture and beat again.
4. Add the oat flakes, raisins and chocolate chips to the mixture and beat.
5. Place small portions (6cm in diameter), 5cm away from one another to prevent them from attaching to one another on the baking pan when they expand while being baked. Note that their size will almost double while being baked.
6. Bake them at 190C for 10-15 minutes
7. After cooling down for about 5 - 10 minutes, they are ready to be served.

Store the cookies in a sealable container to prevent them from becoming soft.

Daydream Journal

When I'm grown up, I'm going to join Pixar or Dreamworks to make animated movies, for example, Mario in Dimensions and the Real world, Shrek 4th, Madagascar 3, Year 2100, Up 2 Deep Abyss etc. I'm also planning to invent a product called Virtual World which you can use with a movie DVD made by Pixar or Dreamworks which will enable you to change anything about the movie, like the story or animations and graphics. This product is a triangular console with the Pixar and Dreamworks logo on it with a DVD-rom attached to the side and there is a maximum of 4 inputs for the mind-reader, headphone and virtual world eyes cap of which you could adjust the size, brightness, contrast and volume. If you don't insert any DVDs, you can buy or create equipment that can be purchased with member and Wi-Fi fake money in the P&D store. In this program actions are almost unlimited so you could, for example: kick somebody's shins, blow up a fort, swim in a river, shoot eagles, shove police officers off the Grand Canyon, lead mutiny on a pirate ship, blow up Superman, and everything else you want to do only if the red bar on the right corner is not vacated and you have the right tools to do so. I also want to be famous and get rich with this entertaining electronic invention. With this invention, I aim to become more famous than Bill Gates, and also the world's richest man!


-Alex

Time traveling journal -Alex

 Demolishing the U.S.A.

*Note that these dates are what we called "dream-dates".

Oct.13- I went to the damn future to capture a few zombies, but then I was  outnumbered by proportion 1397 to 1 quite devastating, eh? I have to go back to the present to get my machine gun and my ammunition. When I came back with Jerry and his flamethrower, the proportion is 132,153,098,587 to 2! So my team rampaged and destroyed the city block.

Oct.14- Still rampaging. Proportion 673,323- 2.
Oct.15- Still rampaging. Proportion 342- 2. 5 zombies captured.
Oct.16- I think that this is enough zombies so I travel to the Revolutionary War with my dumb zombies for an evil plan in the 13 Colonies.
Oct.17- The traveller is out of clocksoline and gas. I'm refilling gas.
Oct.18- I freed the zombies and drank beer with Jerry.
I am woken up by my mother and my boring life continues.

Caticide! -Alex Tsai

OMG! A cat commits suicide with a gun!

Suiciding cat1, " I have been tortured by my cruel  owner meow. Meow, I don't know what to do until I found this book called Cure to Being Petted written by Lion Claw Goodness. The book is so instructional, informational and so moving that I could barely refuse to follow the instructions in this book meow! So I decided to go to the meow heaven, meow. The only problem for me meow is that there's no way to get there except dying. So, so long! Oh, and remember, the next time you quote me, please don't use suiciding cat1, O.K? My name is Terry John Panther, good bye! 'Bang' ".

 * note that quote is translated


OMG?! A cat commits suicide with inside a toilet bowl!

Suiciding cat2, "me a stoopid Irish cat zat can't speak or write English properly, but me no zat some guy in zis world-weird Earth is stoopiter than me! So me got happy. I even believed in Voldemort. Me hav com to the fat pigs' heaven- Amelica! Now me wan go home, but me don't hav enough $ to go to Ireland. So me look disappointed. I red book about oceans and sea potty flush and go bak to ocean, so I jump in toilet and me hear tolking to you. So gooda bye! 'vwaashhhh'!".
*Note that quote is translated from Irish cat to Irish then to slang English.
*The cat can't speak very well, so we could barely understand, so this quote up here might be illegible. Sorry for the confusion. Try to understand it by opening your heart of stupidity and cleverness.

                                                                                                                      - Alex Tsai Articles.

Oof! Neil.'s story of unfortunate events. -Alex

    A car crash, suffering caused by a game, mental destruction, panic, more massacre and cool stuff to see in the New Series of Story of Neil!

  Oct. 5 - An Afganistan murderer flees when his truck accidentally crashes heavily into Neil! The innocent victim flies into the sky, crashes into an angry mob causing a lot of trouble between them, resulting in a massacre between the angry mobs and a pathetic, injured Neil. The effects of the conflict were so horrible, Neil resembled the doll on the picture below: 

  After this, Neil is run over by a 41-ton roller causing heavy injury and severe spinal injuries. He collapses, and the scene is identical to the picture below.

  Not only is Neil completely destroyed. When he lies hopelessly on the ground , a spark of light from my flashlight is noticed. I watch and kick him to see if he is still alive. Due to the fact that he is alive, I send him to the West Domination Mental Hospital for treatment.

  On Oct. 6 at eight, we see a mental patient with the name of Neil suffocate from playing the game Biohazard 4! This game is not good for mental patients with optical problems, nor near-sighted patients. Fortunately, only 2 people suffocated from this game. Neil had just started playing this game when his mind gets out of control! We call military general Dominic to bring him under control, but Neil turns into a mentally dead zombie! Dominic has to call for support to kill the zombie, but unfortunately the zombie breaks out from the walls and escapes! I just cannot understand how in the world this kid survived after he fell all the way from the 6th floor onto the ground and then being run over by a 30-ton truck. This remains a miserable mystery.

   Georgia  

International News

                         "Zombified Teenager Outside of Hospital!"

   Today we saw a zombie walking down the street... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...  we recommend you folks to lock your windows, doors, switch off your lights and start panicking while running in a continuous circular motion until the zombie is dead. And I mean absolutely DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! And there's cheese... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Oct.7

Neil is still lost, I can't find him even with lieutenant Wesley's Mega Accurate Global Positioning System and CIA agent Aaron's "I SPY". I'm worried that this chump will rampage the whole city, eat everyone and most importantly eat the great cheddar and blue cheese!

Oct.8- Neil is still lost.
Oct.9- Neil is still lost.
Oct.10- Neil is still lost.
Oct.11- Neil is still lost.
Oct.12- Neil is still lost.
Oct.13- Neil is still lost.
Oct.14- Neil is still lost.
Oct.15- Neil is still lost.
Oct.16- Neil is still lost.
Oct.17- Neil is still lost.
Oct.18- Neil is still lost and ooh... jameed cheese!
Oct.19- Neil is still lost and ooh... cheddar cheese!
Oct.20- Neil is still lost and ooh... sardo cheese!
Oct.21- Neil is still lost and ooh... suluguni cheese!
Oct.22- Neil is still lost and ooh... edam cheese!
Oct.23- Neil is still lost and ooh... buntz cheese!
Oct.24- Neil is still lost and ooh... cottage cheese!
Oct.25- Neil is still lost and ooh... brussels cheese!
Oct.26- Neil is still lost and ooh... aura cheese!
Oct.27- Neil is still lost and ooh... sakura cheese!
Oct.28- Neil is still lost and ooh... blue cheese!
Oct.29- Neil is still lost and ooh... anthotyro xero cheese!
Oct.30- Neil is still lost and yuck! Expired cheese!
Oct.31- Neil is still lost and we found his dead body in the deep abyss small and crushed.
Nov.1- The mission is accomplished and Neil died!

Hooray!

Alex Tsai Productions.