Strange weather report. -Alex

  The Bad Weather Report

  Hello everyone, it's strange weather report on AXN! Today we predict that New York state will be raining cats and dogs with a precipitation of 2,100 mm of flesh.

So please remember to scrub blood off your front lawn and off your roof while staying inside your house so you won't get smashed by cats or dogs. Please note that the most concentrated place of rain is in the city of Manhattan.

  We also predict a cloudy day in Denver, Colorado with a chance of it raining meatballs. So have your plates ready everyone! And be sure to watch the movie too!

  Now let's see Portland, Oregon where we forecast bullet-hail so please wear your bullet-proof vests, bullet-proof hats, bullet-proof shoes, bullet-proof rain coats, bullet-proof umbrellas and bullet-proof shoes  whenever you want to go out. Please note that armies might come because they can obtain free bullets.

                                       

   Now we'll open the lines. We have one caller, Dean of Chicago, Illinois.

Me: Good day, why are you calling us, Dean?

Dean: While I'm watching this show, some horrible weather has started!

Me: Can you describe it to us?

Dean: It's raining pork while everyone is going to the doctor!

Me: It's probably the swined rain, and you know, I hate pigs.

Special effects: har har har har har har har har har har har har har.

Dean: Do you have any suggestions of what should I do?

Me: Get a barbecue grill outside with the hottest fire to catch the pigs. Be sure to dodge the pigs, though!

Dean: Thanks Alex! (hangs up)

And that's the end of this show, I'll see you next time on The Bad Weather Report!