The Adventures of Detective Clewless

It was a dark, cold, and bitter November night. I looked up at the sun wondering how am the world am I looking at it if it was such a dark night the author who wrote this story was taking about. Okay, so it was a bright and sunny day and I was out celebrating the fact that I found out that my pet boa constrictor died because someone told me it did. When I went back to my office I found out that I forgot to flip the sign and it still said "OPEN". Walking in, I found a dead guy inside with a knife in his back holding a box with that claims it has money. Unfortunately there was nothing inside except for a note claiming that the messenger had been killed and looted for no reason. It took me an hour for me to realize that there was a reason for him to be killed and looted... FOR MONEY! So I got angry because the money was mine and the economy has no future whatsoever, so it's hard to get good money nowadays. I found the poor messenger's ID card which said that he was Vick Tim. Then I inspected his shirt which said that he was from "Free Money Co." I found it's address and walked there seeing that the messenger also walked and that I probably could do the same thing, seeing the place seemed close.

It has been three days just to walk there. I arrived, astounded with the fact that I am still alive and made it through but still am in a very critical condition. I crawled to the reception and asked for my money. They said that I had received my share. I cursed the receptionist and told her that mine was stolen and one of their transporters, Vick Tim died. They blasted me, saying that I am a detective and should know better to go get it back with my brains. They also said that they don't really care about Vick Tim, seeing that he's got a son, Vick Tim II, that they could use. Since I could only get the money by confronting the killer, I ate a meager meal at a restaurant and walked back to my office.

Again, I entered my office, panting. I didn't need to crawl, seeing that I had more energy than my last journey. The body of Tim, I found out, had been taken to a morgue by the police for investigation. I went to the police station and asked if there were any fingerprints on it. They said yes, and they said that the fingerprint was from Nifty Trains Potter. I asked for information on what they did to him, and they said that they went to his place and arrested him. They took him in for questioning, and he said that he only was told to give the knife to someone by his boss. They asked him so many questions he started going crazy and had to go to a mental hospital. Unfortunately, they gave the rest of the case to me because the mayor lost his pet gila monster.

It was a good thing that we did find out that he gave the knife to a guy who lives in a slum building near the lake. I got there and found someone called Sirius Keel and asked him if he has my money. He punched me, so I got angry and kicked him in his privates. He backed off and took out a handgun and attempted to shoot me twice. The first bullet bounced off my pants zipper but still really hurt. The second one went out the window. I heard an "Ouch!" and a camera clicking. I later found out that he died, and that his name was Inn Cent Bi Sandra. Anyways, I kicked Keel in the face. Then I quickly grabbed the gun from his hand and forced him to give me the money. He gave me one fake hundred-dollar bill. I got angry because I thought that the money must have been much more than that instead of realizing that the money was an impostor. I took out a tiny grenade and told him that if he didn't give me the money I would shove it down his [expletive] throat. He cursed me using the most obscene language I've ever heard of with my mother as the main subject, but gave in at the end. He gave me another hundred bucks, this time real, and it satisfied me, so I let him go, happy with my new handgun and "couple" hundred dollars. I took me ten seconds to realize that I had just let a criminal go, an quickly ran out the building only to find that the police had already taken care of him. I found out that there had been a really big reward for his arrest, so I got really angry and blasted the cops that I was the one who disarmed him an had to undergo extreme pain from having a bullet bounce off my pants zipper. The cops all wound up laughing, only to all end up in a hospital later because they laughed the air out of them. Seeing an opportunity, I took Keel away from two of the laughing officers before they got hoarse and went to the poilice station to claim my reward, which was simply 1000 pennies. How very thoughtful of them.

-The End-

By Kevin Chien